Part 1 HERE
After filling my parents in on how the hell they ended up with a goose in their backyard, we turned our minds to more pressing topics like naming Satan’s latest child. There’s been MUCH debate over who actually came up with the name. Let’s just go with this: if you like it give my mother credit and if not, blame my ex-husband. Fair? Cool. We named him Honky. Because geese honk much like I believe Beelzebub does.
I’d like to tell you my parents hemmed and hawed over what to do with this goose, but that didn’t happen. They accepted that they now had a pet goose as if someone said “It’s going to rain today.” I’m lucky that I grew up in a pet-friendly home, but this even surprised me. None of us had any business caring for a goose!
So, how does one ensure the safety of a goose, you ask? You put him in a large dog crate. And when he eventually outgrows it, you buy an ever bigger dog crate. And since this fallen archangel is still technically a bird, you get large sheets to cover him at night. And wash them EVERY DAY.
What do you feed a hellish goose? Dried corn and lettuce. Over time my mother realized he was very picky (understatement) and preferred kale. Picky, not unlike your nephew who will only eat macaroni & cheese or hot dogs. But special in that he requests gluten free macaroni & cheese and vegan hot dogs. You get it; this goose was treated better than 90% of the human population. And better than my sister & I.
I’m not sure how it evolved over time, but he did swim in their pool. I chose the picture to the left because he looks so cute and friendly. And then I’d like to quickly hit you with the picture on the right to show you that he loved to bite. I can’t lie, it wasn’t bad when he was little, but MY GOD he didn’t fall far from the Serpent’s Apple Tree.
Birds, especially geese, are incredibly social creatures. Luckily my mom recognized his need for interaction. Since they already had the Canada geese visiting their yard; Honky made friends quickly. She ultimately realized keeping him caged wasn’t good for his mental health and let him be more social with the other geese – which, I think, she really struggled with. This was her new, favorite baby and she was so worried something would happen to him. He was still fairly limited because he never learned to fly, but the Canada Geese would come visit him and he’d go on “swimming lessons” with them and their babies.
That’s him, outside the pool, leading the meeting on how to torment humans.
During one of my parents travels, I somehow got roped into caring for their Zoo. Unsurprisingly, Honky had a very specific list of things he needed done…