Holy. Shit. Y’all, this episode is DRAMA.

We begin by wrapping up Vicki’s golf bday party. Shannon & Tamra are fighting for confusing reasons. I think Tamra was trying to say Shannon was in the wrong for talking about Emily’s husband. However, Shannon was really talking about herself… which is what Tamra’s real problem is. Honestly, Kelly said it best in her blog, “If you ask about someone’s marriage, you’re nosy. If you don’t ask, you’re selfish. If you try to be insightful by talking about your own marriage, you’re projecting.” Yes, Kelly. So wise.

The other ladies leave, but Vicki stays to meet Steve and Tamra decides to tag along. Tamra is just hell bent on making Steve wildly uncomfortable by talking about his and Vicki’s sex life and when they’ll get married… what guy loves that convo?! Vicki always cracks me up when it comes to relationships, especially when she said “I put George Clooney on my vision board and he appeared three months later.” I mean, Steve is not ugly by any means but he’s NOT George Clooney. I’m not sure is Vicki is drunk (scratch that, she’s always drunk), her vision board is drunk, or she thinks the audience is drunk.

Eddie’s birthday is coming up and Tamra has decided to go with a red / hearts theme. Because, you know, A-Fib. But the strangest part of this scene was Tamra and Eddie’s argument of including Shannon’s soon-to-be ex-husband, David. Eddie feels like he should be able to invite whoever he wants to his bday – now, in real life this would be fine, let the two of them decide how to handle it. But this isn’t real life, this is Real Housewives. So Tamra has to keep up her good friend act and fight for David to not be included. Eddie backs down and says he’ll just celebrate with David one-on-one. Oh, also Tamra makes Eddie… you know, the guy that just had 98358239823650928 heart procedures… move furniture around in the house. Oy vey.

Next we have a scene where Tamra has Gina over… to complain about Shannon. Listen, Tamra is right that Shannon makes it all about Shannon, but how about Tamra just say how she feels but also cut Shannon a break? Good Lord! Gina gave good advice, she might be growing on me.

Shannon & Kelly meet for “vulva” tea (really, boba tea) and to talk about Tamra. Kelly, who keeps surprising me by being mature, offers that Tamra has a lot going on and to cut her some slack. Shannon makes it about Shannon, saying she too has a lot going on.

For some reason, Vicki has made a complete about face in that she now likes Gina. I’m not sure when this happened, but I think I’m ok with it. Vicki decided that Gina is very similar to her daughter, Briana, and therefore likes her. Vicki comes over to Gina’s house that is run by tyrannical children. Vicki takes it in stride and even helps when one of Gina’s kids acts up and Gina has to reprimand him. Not only that, but Vicki validates Gina saying, “You’re doing a great job.” Now, I don’t really like Vicki – she’s entertaining, sure, but not necessarily likeable – but I’d feel so good if someone said that to me. So, I feel like that just cemented that friendship. Also, if VICKI is seeing red flags about your relationships, you know it must be bad.

Tamra & Shannon finally meet at some fancy plant shop to discuss their issues. Tamra confesses, she needs Shannon’s support as much as Shannon needs Tamra’s. Shannon was receptive and immediately apologized! All around, a sweet, tender moment. I thought it was funny that Tamra thought by being a “good” person (which I’m not totally convinced she is) that God must owe her something – in regards to Eddie’s health. Now, I’m not overly religious but I’m pretty sure that’s not how faith works. How much shit did God put the Hebrews through? And Moses?! And even his only son, Jesus?!?!?! I mean, being “good” has nothing to do with it. That’s why it’s the mystery of faith. Anyway, maybe Jesus Jugs (Alexis Bellino) has some advice.

Finally, we get to Eddie’s birthday party smash! Tamra had old pictures of Eddie blown up… y’all he looks like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Steve Buscemi. I am not sure how it’s possible.

Tamra’s Instagram @tamrajudge

Gina decides she wants to actually meet Gina’s husband, Shane, in a normal way… which ends up being going up to him, loudly saying “IT’S FUCKING SHANE!” Now that I think about it, that was probably the best way to do it. HA! It was pretty much downhill from there…

Kelly came in hot. Steve, Vicki’s soon to be husband (probably against his will), made a statement to Page Six about the whole Vicki/Steve double-dating with Michael that Kelly didn’t appreciate.  Kelly tells Vicki she’s uncomfortable with Steve, and Vicki dismisses her and tells her to simply talk to other people. It’s too bad Vicki can’t be a better friend and offer to set up a time for the three of them to talk and instead dismisses her friend that is upset.

Vicki escapes Kelly and interrupts Gina telling Emily she’s having trouble with mystery-husband Matt. Gina realizes that she’s basically a single parent, and she’s ok with it… meaning, she’s ok without him. Of course, Vicki chimes in saying she wishes she made her marriage (to Donn) work. I need to know that Donn is in Vicki Protection and is safe from love-tank talks.

Kelly talks to Shannon about how to have this conversation with Steve. Shannon talks her off the ledge of vulgarity and reminds Kelly that she has salient points but it gets lost behind a wall of anger. Now, in the real world, I’d say not to have this convo at this party… but this is Real Housewives and you can’t just have conversations off camera. You have a show to film, DUH.

So, Kelly goes in for a conversation with Steve who is in the middle of talking to “fucking Shane”. Steve, Steve, Steve. He does the worst imaginable thing and dismisses Kelly and then walks away. Then, “fucking Shane” decides to drop his 2 cents, by telling Kelly she’s DRUNK. That’s like telling a woman to “calm down.” Never gonna go the way you intended. Y’all. Old Kelly came out. She starts popping off insults from middle school: dork, dweeb, loser. Which I guess is better than a douchebag, but your intention is still negative. Shannon gets Kelly to leave the table, Kelly retreats to the bar with the rest of the group and starts talking about “a little bitch.” Somehow, Kelly forgot that was Emily’s husband… whoops! Emily starts to lose it, all the while Shane is creepily whispering in Emily’s ear “these are your friends?” and then magically disappears. Gina broke up the fight, but not before Emily screamed “I’LL KILL YOU!”

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