We open to Steve trying to kill Vicki by having her ride with him on his motorcycle. How Steve came through that without being deaf (like I now am) is a mystery. It’s a medical mystery, Ru! (bonus point is you can name that reference!)

As if it couldn’t get any more geriatric, we next see Shannon prepare all her vitamins for the week. Because she’s leaving to promote her new food line on QVC! Good for her! She talks with her twins, who are 100% uninterested. Tamra and Shannon’s oldest daughter, Sophie, will be coming along to support her. Can we pause to talk about Shannon’s newest interview look? The white top with the “I dream of Genie” ponytail? GORG.

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From Shannon’s instagram @ShannonBeador

Vicki & Steve end their scream-ride at a biker bar. They dive into a conversation about Gina’s divorce. Vicki uses it to make sure she’s EVERYTHING to Steve. Ugh, gross. Vicki, your insecurities are showing. Then, we get to see this lil piggy squeal allll the way home.

Umm, after commercials we have THE STRANGEST intro of all time. Bravo, wtf was that? Kids are playing on the sand, and then a big ass somehow leads into Emily’s scene. Y’all. SO STRANGE.

Although maybe it works. We see Emily in her kitchen with a pantless son pointing to his butt when she asks him where he pooped. Man, parenting.

I guess we jump now to Kelly & Gina on the phone. Kelly’s going to have a luncheon at her “love shack” to watch Shannon on QVC.

Cut to Shannon and Sophie in the car; Shannon is worried Sophie forgot her carry-on and that the world might end the day she’s on QVC.

Man, we’re doing a lot of jumping here… now we’re watching Gina & her parents. They seem pretty chill. They talk of when Gina’s dad retires & her parents plan to move by her. Which Gina is excited about. Then they discuss politics. Just kidding! They talk about her divorce. Her parents say how shocked they were by the divorce – yeah, they’re just as confused as everyone else. So Gina tells them about how the other Housewives are trying to scare her. Girl, I both agree & disagree here – you’re right, they’re trying too hard, BUT they’re trying to warn you.

Pop back over to Emily & Fucking Shane. Gina and her mother-in-law, Peri, sit down to chat. Peri is like a Polly Pocket: tiny. Emily is still entertaining the idea of another kid; don’t they have like 6? She talks about her struggle with infertility and how on her last attempt to have kids (before her sister stepped in to carry the babies for her), she almost bled out during a miscarriage. Yikes! Emily says that because Shane said “NO” she now wants it more!

Tamra arrives at the hotel Shannon & Sophie are staying at. They’re both boot-free! Tamra says Eddie had some procedure for the 924982986589245027 time & it stuck! Shannon is deeply grateful for Tamra’s friendship & thanks Tamra & Sophie for supporting her. I kinda have to laugh, immediately after that Tamra starts saying things that’d certainly make MY anxiety spike. Reminding Shannon how much is on the line for this tiny segment and not to “bomb.”

Kelly & Jolie arrive to a theater audition. Obviously, for Jolie because musical theater is for DORKS. It’s clear that Kelly is really proud of Jolie, even if Jolie loves something Kelly doesn’t.

Gina, who is in a super strange outfit, meets Vicki for CAWFEE.  I think it’s Gina’s necklace that’s throwing me off… Anyway, we obviously have to talk about Gina’s divorce. Vicki says it’s a generational thing, but I just read a new study saying that millennials are actually getting married later and staying married longer and baby-boomers aren’t. SO, YOU FULLA SHIT BITCH! Nevermind I’m 30 and have already been divorced… Gina say Vicki’s comment of her “not having a moral compass” really hurt her feelings. Vicki claims to not remember that statement, but says Gina can’t be so “selfish.” Good save, Vicki (sarcasm). Gina points out how fucking stupid Vicki is by calling out her strange statements of how she didn’t try hard enough with Donn… Vicki is happy now with Steve, how can Vicki say it wasn’t for the best? Somehow they work it out and Vicki APOLOGIZES.

Tamra, Shannon, & Sophie head to dinner where again Tamra tries to poke Shannon into nervousness. Tamra informs Shannon of Kelly’s viewing party and reminds her of the time they had a viewing party for Heather & Terry Dubrow (then we’re treated to a clip). I’m not sure how we got on the topic of David’s porsche, but apparently Sophie took it for a joy ride and then fucked up the mirror. Honestly, I’m ok with this. David is a turd. But we’ve learned that Sophie has learned how to play David (and probably Shannon), so there’s that.

It’s Shannon’s big day at QVC! They go to where they’ll be shooting the promo & go over some details and Shannon practices not putting her back to the camera while opening the microwave… I’d like to say she did great, but you know Shannon, homegirl made it more difficult than it needed to be. Shannon practices describing the food and ends up getting boisterous about CREAM CHEESE! They remind her they’re live around the corner, so STFU. lol Did you spot the 9 lemons in a bowl? QVC is genius.

Kelly is getting her “love shack” ready for Shannon’s viewing party. Emily is the first to arrive, then Vicki. Guess Gina isn’t joining? They FaceTime Tamra & Shannon and Kelly compliments Shannons outfit, because Kelly styled Shannon! Dang, that’s a lot of love right there! Ugh, nevermind, Gina just comes late… I was hoping for a Gina-free scene, but I guess we’re not that lucky today y’all.

Back over to QVC, Shannon is fretting over make-up & reviewing her notes before going LIVE!

Jump back the love shack where the ladies are engaging in light conversation. You know, catching your parents giving each other fellacio. Totes normsies.

We see each group start to panic before Shannon goes live in FIFTEEN SECONDS.

Tamra hopes Shannon doesn’t make it “negative” by talking about her weight, but I don’t see it that way. She’s explaining her story that A LOT of women relate to. Kelly, Vicki, Emily & Gina are all happy & positive and love Shannon’s jacket that Kelly let her borrow. Cut to Tamra who thinks it’s too small… who is negative now, TAMRA? Does it fit perfectly? No. Do I think anyone is going to notice? No. The color is amazing on her.

Shannon

Her segment is a brief 8 minutes, but it was long enough for Shannon to be SHANNON. Bending over to pick up her notes, pinching her gut. This is why we love Shannon. The segment quickly ends and whoever the redheaded host was with her was very complimentary. She heads back to the dressing room where everyone is waiting to cheer for her and then she sees all the texts of support. It’s a sweet moment.

Back at the love shack, Vicki wants to support by ordering some of Shannon’s dishes. QVC is not here for pranks and hangs up on Vicki even though it wasn’t a prank. QVC! Git yo shit together! How many people did they hang up on?? If it was me, I’d be livid. I mean, it’s funny, but in reality QVC is potentially making you lose sales.

The groups Facetime each other and decide to go on a girls trip to celebrate!

 

If you’re not watching RHOD, you’re missing out! It’s amaaaazing (say that in Kam’s fucking annoying ass voice).

– MJ

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