Y’all. I feel like this season is dying a slow death. No? I am so tired of Gina, again.

We open to Gina (SNORE) and Emily (YAWN) working out. The dog, Fisker is cute and steals the scene.

Next, we see Kelly working out… is everyone working out? Kelly says such winners as, “I like being on my knees.” or “This is like some kind of sex machine… I like it.” Thank you, Kelly. You always bring the laughs.

We pop over to Shannon’s rental house. Her trainer is massaging her leg? That’s my kind of work out, sign me up for that.

Ugh, we annoyingly go back to Emily and Gina. Again, Fisker the Pomeranian is far more entertaining. Emily & Gina start complaining about Shannon… she doesn’t engage with them, they don’t know her, they don’t connect with her. Seriously? This is what Bravo is giving us?!?! But also, REALLY LADIES? Let’s back up: Emily thought Shannon started gossip about her marriage when it was TAMRA. Gina thought Shannon got Kelly riled up against Steve / Fucking Shane, when it was all KELLY. Sooooo, umm forgive a bitch for not trusting y’all. AMIRITE?!  I did genuinely love how Gina is ramping up for Complain Station and then Emily inadvertently shuts her up by starting a mixer to make them smoothies. I enjoyed that; intended shade or not. But then we jump to Emily wanting to fake explore having more kids. I thought we’d already covered this? Aaaand then we go back to Gina and mystery man Matt. Y’all. I know divorce is hard, BEEN THERE DONE THAT, but this divorce is taking 5ever. And because this divorce is confusing to literally everyone, Gina & Matt are taking turns in their house. OMG, this divorce is so fucking boring. I can’t even, I can’t odd. I am over Gina. Can I fast forward through her scenes y’all, would you hate me?

Tamra tells Eddie she’s going to a “celibacy” dinner for Shannon – you know, cuz Shannon sold a lot of Salmon! It sounds like poor Eddie might be back in A-Fib after his 836740248547632 procedure.

Tamra is the first to arrive to Shannon’s rental; full of compliments too! Emily comes in alllllll butt-hurt to try and get acknowledgement from Shannon. Ugh, then Gina arrives saying “I didn’t knaaoow she had daawwgs.” UGH. Barf. Liz Lemon eye roll that shit.2018-10-12 15.01.13 Then Vicki arrives.  Every arrival sends Archie into a fit of barking; ugh, I could honestly watch a show about Housewife pets… can we get Lisa Vanderpump on that STAT? Kelly arrives with a hot-momma dress on!

All the ladies are congratulating Shannon (or sucking up in Gina & Emily’s case). Vicki tells Shannon they tried to order, but were hung-up on! They go round and round on where to go – Emily’s sister just went to Jamaica! Vicki got her vows renewed (to Donn) in Turk & Caicos! But wait! What will everyone do with their kids? Surely they cannot be watched by MEN!! Well, this ultimately sets Gina down a dark path… She bought expensive bikinis for a vacay she and Mystery Matt were supposed to go on together! And Gina & Matt took suuuuper good vacays together, y’all. Another reason their getting divorced. It seems like it’s hitting her that things are, in fact, changing. Shannon is in the kitchen GLADLY missing this nonsense.

Shannon is thinking of including this meal for her company line, but also completely brushes off any acknowledgement of Gina being upset. HA! Shannon proposes a toast TO JAMAICA, MON!

Kelly & her daughter, Jolie, go back to volunteer at their local soup kitchen. This time they are serving food and then cleaning. Jolie seems to really enjoy this and Kelly is glad for the time with Jolie and I think is proud of her parenting skills. These two are cute together.

Kelly is reading about Jamaica on a park bench when Gina joins her. So, naturally, we talk about Gina’s divorce. Which somehow morphs into complaining about Shannon. Or the lack of the Shannon-Gina friendship. I find this whole thing interesting. Gina (and Emily) are so frustrated that Shannon isn’t getting to know them, but that’s all they’re focusing on. Literally the rest of the cast knows them at this point. Like, let it go! Good Lord.

Emily & Fucking Shane go on a date and Bravo’s intro music is as hokey as it can get. WTF was that y’all? Emily tells Shane she went and tried on bikinis with Tamra for this Jamaica trip. Shane volunteered to go try on more with Tamra so Emily didn’t have to! Gross. Emily remind Shane of her storyline appointment with the fertility Dr tomorrow, Dr. Nakhdowhfrnaiyfbweiyt7lk.

Over at Vicki’s, she and Steve are preparing some stuff to go over to Vicki’s son, Michael’s new place. Steve’s daughter and her boyfriend show up to also join in on this triple date. Michael and his girlfriend, Dani, live in San Diego. Dani looks exactly like you’d expect someone in Cali to look: thin, bleached blonde, and gorgeous.
Vicki immediately starts talking about marriage. You’d think for someone that’s been married twice, she’d be over the whole marriage thing. Steve wisely points out : isn’t being happy the end goal? Then, Vicki starts to pressure Dani and Steve’s daughter, Amanda, to start having babies. Whoa. Vicki is A LOT if you haven’t gathered that from the 13 seasons she’s been on this show.

Emily arrives to her Dr.’s appointment with all her in-laws in toe. Apparently, Emily’s mother-in-law, Pary? Pari? (whatever, you get it), hooked Emily and this Dr. ComplicatedName up. It sounds like Emily just wants to know what her options are for their embryos.

Kelly & Shannon meet at a place aptly named “Eat Chow” for lunch. They briefly talk about packing for Jamaica – Kelly has a mountain of bikinis, as a surprise to NO ONE Shannon does not. Kelly updates Shannon that she & Michael have gotten to a good place after their divorce and are able to enjoy each other again. Shannon laments that she doesn’t thinks he and David will get there – yeah, because David is a turd. Kelly divulges that Gina doesn’t feel like Shannon likes her. Shannon retorts that she does, but they just don’t have much in common. In Shannon’s interview, she confesses that Gina hasn’t exactly made it easy to like her; she’s come for Shannon a few times. Shannon confesses she’s tired of Emily’s want to see “fun Shannon”! Shannon wants to see Fun Emily! So there!

– MJ

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