Welcome back to Jamaica! Hopefully this episode doesn’t leave me feeling BORED.

We start with everyone sweating enough to refill our oceans. Vicki & Shannon are running late because combining a hot environment with hot flashes just isn’t a good idea. Tamra gets on the bus and instantly sells Vicki & Shannon down river saying they’re complaining.  Gina goes in on Shannon that she doesn’t like how when Shannon is fun they just have to accept it along with her being rude… yeah, Gina, that’s what you do with friends. And people in general. You meet them where they are and accept them for who they are – and you are annoying, boring, super hyper focused on 1 person (Shannon) person. GO AWAY.

Shannon & Vicki chug their drinks on the bus after Vicki muses she thinks she was dehydrated. Yes, absolutely drink more alcohol then. They arrive, in good spirits, and Tamra complains how rude it is to be late; which it is. It’s my pet peeve too. Shannon says she’s having surgery next week, and apparently she’s getting her eyes done? Ok. Sooooo California.

Kelly starts talking about dating, and pick-up lines. Shannon calls it boring; she’s obviously uncomfortable talking about it because she’s not ready. I’m gonna let y’all in on something since I’ve been around the block a time or two with affairs: you are not the same afterwards. You’re not. It is not a typical divorce or break-up. It completely fucks with your mind, your confidence, your faith in humanity, your trust for ANYTHING, your whole life. While it’s not PTSD per se, it is post trauma. Divorce is hard anyway and affairs make it harder because the person you loved and trusted the most betrayed you in every sense of the word – and they CHOSE to. So, as annoying and selfish as Shannon is being, I get it. I will defend her, always. I’ve been there and it is rough. It’s been 3 years since I found out about my ex and some things will just never be the same. That depth of pain isn’t something the normal grieving process can heal easily or quickly. Also, I fully believe David was incredibly emotional abusive, from what I’ve gathered. And Shannon is trying to figure out her bearings when I’m sure he told her constantly what to do, say, think, feel, etc. She’s lost; give her a god damn break. Ok, done… moving on!

And Tamra is such a great friend (MAJOR sarcasm), she instantly sets-up a fight between Shannon and Gina. Emily wants to see fun shannon, Shannon thinks she’s always fun, and Tamra says “You might wanna ask this one.” meaning Gina. Ugh, Tamra. Gina goes on to question how good of a friend Shannon really is to Tamra because Shannon didn’t check on Tamra/Eddie during Eddie’s procedures. So, obviously Tamra has been talking behind her back – trust issues, that’d make me panic too, Shannon. Shannon pointed out Emily doesn’t drink that much, so where is fun Emily?! At first it didn’t make sense, but I think Shannon might be alluding to the fact Emily doesn’t let her hair down like Shannon does when she drinks. So, then Gina says “why don’t we ask Tamra how good a friend you are.” Tamra doesn’t answer immediately… or even within a reasonable amount of time. And breaks her supposedly best friends already broken heart. So, you wanna see “fun Shannon” and decide to shit all over her? Yeah, that’ll do it.

Shannon decides to take a break and go to the restroom. Tamra decides to follow Shannon to the bathroom. Shannon is mad at Gina, but she should be mad at Tamra. Shannon goes off about going through a hard time, Tamra dismisses her by saying everyone goes through shit. Nope, that’s not the way to calm someone down. Gina is sitting at the table like, “Oh well, I’m still gonna have a fun time.” Really?! Then why the hell say anything if it really doesn’t matter to you? Tamra is focused on the fact that Shannon’s negativity is tiresome to her. Can I just point out that’s why Shannon “doesn’t have time for Gina & Emily”?! She’s fucking tired too you moron! She’s grieving! She’s depressed! Jesus Christ, does no one have empathy?!

Kelly & Shannon walk to the bus and Kelly confesses that Tamra, not Gina, has been talking shit about their friendship. And once on the bus, Tamra wants to get right back into it with Shannon in front of everyone.

They get back to the hotel and Shannon just wants some god damn space, but instead everyone is trying to smother her instead of just letting her breathe. Tamra decides to chastise her in front of the group, because she’s such a good friend. Did Shannon need to be rude to the camera people? No. Is she entitled to a break? Absolutely. Tamra making her out ot be ridiculous is BS friendship. But I almost see why Shannon flocks to it, right? If David was emotionally abusive, Tamra sure as hell is right now too. Sooo… you go to what you know. Shannon is trying to set boundaries so she can calm down and Tamra is violating those boundaries. Someone who disrespects your boundaries doesn’t respect you.

The rest of the group heads to the bar and complains about Shannon. They just wanna have fun, they cry… and yet they fun-block themselves. Emily confesses Shannon is erratic; yes Emily, she’s GRIEVING and is trying to work through YEARS OF TRAUMA. If anyone would understand, I’d have honestly thought it’d have been Vicki. But she’s just keeping her mouth closed and not offering much. Once it’s just Vicki, Tamra, & Kelly they all take a softer tone and try to see it from Shannon’s side: she’s depressed. Maybe they finally get it.

They go upstairs to see if Shannon wants to go to their new place that has a/c. Shannon confesses she’s hurt. Tamra coldly asks “why?” while Kelly whines at her to “stop.” Y’all, my God. None of that is soothing. They accuse Shannon of being defensive. YA THINK?! Shannon says she’s been a good friend to Vicki… uuuummmmmm. That’s straight up not true. In fact, Vicki was in a similar situation with Brooks – he was super manipulative, and y’all crucified her just like Shannon is being crucified now. Ladies, be there for your friends. You know they are good people; you take their good times and bad. You don’t get to cherry-pick.

Kelly starts screaming at Shannon to “RELAX!” which is super relaxing. Shannon’s emotional cup is full and y’all are trying to pour more in there, it’s just not gonna happen. Kelly admits there’s nothing to do or say to calm Shannon down. THEN LEAVE HER ALONE! Kelly has been super intelligent all season (so surprising!), and as smart as she was to point that out she’s not realizing she needs to leave Shannon alone. Tamra decides to walk away, but not without a comment: “You can cry every night. I don’t care anymore.” Nice. Unfortunately, Shannon took the bait. She tries to defend herself while Tamra screams “STOP SCREAMING!” Which, is like comedy gold.

Kelly & Tamra talk about how drained they are. Y’all, of course it’s draining. I’ve been there with other friends when their shit starts to take over your life, but you set boundaries with people. And you take private moments to have a calm conversation with them. Not one where you’re screaming and making your friend feel like she’s crazy for being hurt her husband cheated on her and keeps sending her nasty messages. That’s not a friend, Shannon.

Kelly seemed to be calming her down, but somehow Tamra & Shannon get right back into it. Shannon was offended that Tamra suggested she go on medication. Medication is a crutch, but you need crutches when your leg is broken! There’s nothing wrong with medication, but Shannon felt like the undertone was “Shannon is crazy.” Which has always been a button for Shannon & Tamra knows this. Tamra keeps saying she’s disagreeing, but that’s not disagreeing. That’s invalidating your friend and pushing someone too far. You’re taking someone that’s not in a good place and speaking harsh, cruel things to them. Luckily, Shannon calls Tamra out for stirring the pot and of course Tamra retorts “Start changing your fucking life!” Man, let’s tell that to the homeless people, right? It’s so easy!

Man we’re only halfway through the episode! I’m emotionally drained already.

OMG we’re only on day 3 of this awful vacation. They’re all in the new villa with a/c! Woohoo! Tamra is strutting around the villa in her bikini and goes into Vicki’s room, where Vicki is laying in bed with some half-face mask on. Kelly takes a minute to call her daughter, Jolie. Instead of Tamra actually feeling bad about the fact her friend feels bad, she digs her heels in deeper. Vicki is the only one that reached out (or at least the only one that was shown). Tamra declares, once again, she doesn’t care. Ok. Hope you feel good about shitting on your friend.

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They get on the bus to go bobsledding, minus Shannon! Cool Runnings! Tamra then has to rehash all this again by reading a text conversation between her and Eddie. Wow. Tamra needs to win the worst friend award. Somehow this prompts Gina to say she wishes Shannon was with them today… Really? What on Earth about what transpired would make Shannon want to be with you today? And you miss the person you hate on so much? WTF?

They get to the park and Vicki stars to twerk, I think. It was very odd, but super funny. They go down the bobsled track thing. All having a good time, screaming it’s too fast! Except for Gina? Who is probably trying to figure out why it’s not her friend. I think she’s figuring out that without Shannon, everyone likes Gina the least next…

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Imagine Tamra screaming, “STOP SCREAMING!” while going down on the bobsled

Vicki decides to bring back a shirt for Shannon, but made sure to specify she needs an EXTRA LARGE. Oh man. They go to lunch after perusing the gift shop and Tamra is convinced Vicki had a butt lift. Vicki maintains she didn’t, and then Tamra says “it must be because she gained weight.” DAMN. Tamra reveals she’s already forgotten about Shannon as a human. Vicki reads a text she sent Shannon, with no response – and it made it sound like Shannon didn’t move to the new, a/c villa? I mean, I know she needed space, but I’d much prefer space in a/c. And then Vicki introduces a new thing for them to dissect: Shannon drinking alone. Who doesn’t drink alone every now and again? But Vicki bring sit home with, “I think she needs us.” And she absolutely right.

 

Sorry, y’all. I had to give into my bias this episode. Thank you for indulging me; it was therapeutic.

– MJ

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