Hello friends! Once again, I apologize for the delay, but let’s get to the good stuff!

We open to Vicki’s “love tank” filler, Steve, oddly vacuuming their outdoor furniture. Vicki is telling Steve about Jamaica & lying to his face about not drinking… because she’s getting a lower facelift done. Luckily, he’s not dumb and obviously knows homegirl had her WOOHOO! fun pants on. She swears she’s done with plastic surgery… we all know that’s a lie. Word to lie ratio is 1:1. We’re treated to a montage of Vicki throughout her years on RHOC; super entertaining. Vicki reveals she had some kind of inner ear tumor, but has conveniently forgotten to mention this to her doctor… or anyone else?? Cancer scam?!

Next, Eddie and Tamra chat over lunch. Eddie is so over Shannon; and is kinda mean about it. Also, Tamrs is just now starting to feel like she might be a bad friend. Eddie will be seeing a new Dr. for his heart & hopefully it’ll actually work this time.

Emily & Shane head to therapy. Fucking Shane is in the most pedestrian outfit ever seen on the Real Housewives franchise. Emily is so stuck on having another kid and Shane is so stuck in NOT having another kid. 

We briefly see Kelly being silly with Jolie and her friends. Then we are tortured with a scene from Gina giving her mom a tour of her “casita.” 

Then we go back to Eddie, Tamra, and Tamra’s oldest son Ryn with his daughter Ava. Tamra is sharing her plan to throw a party for her soon-to-be 18 year old son. I kind of think she wants to do this since she and her ex, Simon, agreed not to show the kids on TV. But he’ll be legal now and Simon can’t do anything about it! Na na na boo boo! Then Tamra romantically picks Eddie’s nose. Barf.

Vicki goes in for her surgery, Steve’s there for support. Vicki makes sure to say she’s insured out the WOOHOO!, and make sure to resuscitate her (so, NO to a DNR) because she’s a busy woman with a lot of business meetings!

Then, Shannon goes in for her appointment. Kelly is there as Shannon’s support and is all for plastic surgery because, for Kelly, all roads lead to sex.

Vicki is getting her anesthesia all ready, but uh oh. Complication. Well, not really. Apparently this injection “makes your hooha buzz!” 

Go back to Shannon WHO IS GETTING PIECES OF PAPER SHOVED IN HER EYES. I can’t. Y’all, I have a weak stomach when it comes to blood, needles, and anything related to the eyeballs. I might not be able to type all this shit out…

Shannon gets out of surgery to no one waiting on her. A driver takes her home to her kids. Ouch.

Vicki gets out of surgery 5 hours later. Vicki gets out of surgery and is somehow dirty talking Steve like a pro. “Do you love me?” “I have no panties on…” Oh! 

Shannon’s’ oldest daughter, Sophie, is helping her put on an ice pack. It’s a sweet moment.

Tamra is throwing her 18 yr old, Spencer, son a  bday party! She reveals that her mom is like Ron Swanson and only has a thing for people with a certain name (in Ron’s case it was Tammy): Frank. Like, 4 in a row. Which is worse than Ron. Anyway, they make bets on if Spencer’s door is closed while he’s in there with his girlfriend – it is. Spencer plans to major is psychology when he goes to college – probably because his parents are both batshit insane. Meanwhile, Tamra’s parents are trying to get Spencer to drink and get tattoos! Ah, family.

Emily & Shane decide it’s time to open the baby box from all their miscarried children. Emily only feels ready because it was suggested by their therapist. She finds little hand/foot prints and a note from her grandma that really makes her cry. I don’t know if anyone here likes Jenna Marbles on YouTube, but she did a video of which mascara gives you dramatic black tears… well, she needs to get with Emily because homegirl had MEGA dramatic black tears. All around a very sad scene… Fucking Shane did not shed 1 tear though.

Kelly and Gina (whyyyy??) stop by to check in on Shannon. Gina decides now that she & Shannon have had a breakthrough to tell her everything that was said behind her back. Tamra is QUAKING somewhere. Kelly realizes where this is going, though – an unwinnable situation. 

Vicki goes to some fancy hotel to heal… and in an homage to that strange moment in Alaska, she puts a blanket over her head. Because she’s soooooo famous. Steve very sweetly takes care of a needy Vicky, but is smart enough to know he needs a beer for this BS. 

The rest of the group that didn’t get plastic surgery (this week), goes to lunch: Tamra, Kelly, Gina, & Emily. On the way there, Shannon called Tamra to tell her that Gina told on her! Tamra won’t hug Gina, ya know, because we’re in the third grade. And Tamra turns this around on Gina – Gina shouldn’t have been saying Tamra wasn’t a good friend to Shannon! Noooo! *sarcasm* This is all Gina’s fault, not Tamra’s fault for saying those things, solely Gina’s fault for relaying it. Tamra feels like Gina threw her under the bus; nevermind that Tamra actually did those things! 

– MJ

Are y’all watching Dallas?! SO GOOD! I haven’t started RHONJ yet, but I am SUPER looking forward to that too. I know RHOA is the most watched city, but I just can’t get into it. They’re mean ALL THE TIME. It’s too much for me.

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