I’m kind of over this season.  Are y’all?

We open to the annoying Gina walking Kelly through her confusing divorcee life at her “casita.” Of course, Kelly offers to take Gina’s man off her hands… because Matt is HOT. 

Tamra goes to visit a mummified Vicki post-op. In case you forgot, Vicki got the same lower facelift that Tamra did. Twinsies! Tamra is sharing the whole drama with Shannon – Gina. We’re also in the minivan with Gina & Kelly hearing their side… while Kelly is fellating a popsicle. Turns out somehow Gina invited them all to her sequined themed birthday party; no surprise Tamra doesn’t want to go. Tamra also reveals Emily is having a “cup reading” party – a la Dorinda / RHONY. Obviously Vicki has a dubious history with psychics (lest we forget it was Tamra’s psychic that “didn’t see” Brooks cancer, setting Meghan off on her investigating).

Kelly & Gina are moving Gina’s shit into this “casita.” They talk and it’s super boring. I just feel 0 for Gina. 

We see Emily and her sister-in-law setting up for this cup reading. Then we see Shannon complaining to her plastic surgeon she can’t roll her eyes at all her friends yet. Then we pop over to Kelly’s where Jolie is doing her makeup and telling her to stop showing so much titty!

We go back to Emily’s where Tamra is the first to show up. I really liked when RHONY did this, so I’m hoping this will be good. But RHOC has been….. lame this season. I feel like these Housewives are getting too self aware, which makes for a shitty show. Just my two cents. Oddly, Tamra decides psychics are just another form of entertainment. Strange. We also get a flashback of the psychic, Scott, I referred to before. 

We go back to Kelly at Jolie’s performance. Michael is there; they seem to function well as a divorced couple. 

Back to Emily’s, Pary (her MIL), joins the group. Somehow all conversations lead to Shannon. Y’all. Jesus Christ. Can we move on?

Kelly & Michael take their seats (next to each other) to watch Jolie’s performance. They’re both very proud of Jolie… and dare I say, they might not be totally done with each other. They seemed like they were on a date. 

Maryam, the cup reader, is at Emily’s preparing the coffee/tea drinks. They sit down, and drink this coffee. Maryam starts with Tamra. I don’t really know what she was trying to say but it sounds like Tamra & Eddie might separate or something. She first said divorce, but then it sounded like death… I dunno, chalk it up to warming up. Next up is Emily. Just a vague… “someone has given to you many things; you must give this person many things. Also, birdie over the telephone soon.” WHAT? So, I can only assume her sister that carried her kids is the first part. After that I dunno. Mmkay. Onto Gina. Divorce, signing papers, a friend with S-H needs your help. Oh Jesus. Now Gina feel emboldened in this Gina-Shannon relationship she HATES so much. Gina makes sure to give them details for her bday… which Tamra is wishy-washy on.

Gina and friends are getting ready for her sequins birthday. She feels shitty because she realizes she missed a random moment with her son. But the party must go on! 

Vicki gets a visit from her son, Michael. He was horrified by her facelift and DGAF about all this beauty stuff. She shows him where all her insurance stuff is. She reveals she has a policy on her ex-husband, Donn. This is fairly normal to me. My ex-husband’s mom was getting military payments on HER ex-husband. I forget exactly what it was because I try to block out most of that garbage. 

Emily sets up a table at a restaurant for Gina’s birthday.

Vicki is cooking dinner for the old lady sleepover: Vicki, Shannon & Tamra. Vicki gets anxious (over what?!), so instead of alcohol she takes a Xanax.

Back at the birthday party, all the ladies are there: Kelly, Emily, Gina & 2 of her friends. They begin to wonder where Tamra is.

Back at Vicki’s compound, Tamra shows up in full granny gear: moomoo, rollers, reading glasses with the bedazzled chain, etc. Also, Tamra brought Vicki’s favorite thing: CASSEROLES. Tamra pretends to have forgotten to call Gina about not coming to her birthday. Gina actually tries to FaceTime Tamra to see WTF she’s at, but Tamra can’t answer with all her Granny make-up on. Shannon shows up in the PJ’s she thought they were all going to be wearing only to see that the tres amigas have turned into the tres abuelas! 

Gina reveals Matt called her to wish her happy birthday and to try to have phone sex with her… ok, once again. Actually, you know what? I don’t’ care. I am over Gina.

Shannon & Tamra give each other enemas. Yes, you read that correctly.

At Gina’s lame sequins party, Emily reveals she wants to throw Pary a party. A femme fatale patry. Kelly is confused, “does that mean hooker?” 

Parties collide when Kelly calls and Tamra answers. Age insults abound, all act like they “don’t care”, but I’m sure we’ll hear about it for the rest of the season. Which, is 1 more episode, right?

Sure enough, Tamra recounts her conversations with the other half of the group…

When does RHONY & RHOBH start? Thank God RHONJ looks to be Amaaaaaazing and RHOD is pretty good too.

– MJ


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