Mother’s Goose Part 2

Part 1 HERE After filling my parents in on how the hell they ended up with a goose in their backyard, we turned our minds to more pressing topics like naming Satan's latest child.  There's been MUCH debate over who actually came up with the name. Let's just go with this: if you like it…

Base of Sour Cream & Sugar

Scene 5 Base of Cream & Sugar There is something about riding in a cab; it transitions you into a New York state of mind. I never fully grasped the true experience until I slide across the worn leather seats and look on as our bossy Fannie Beacon gives the address to the driver. City…

The Worst Date

After my divorce, I was stupidly looking forward to dating. I mistakenly thought it would be fun and exciting. I was wrong. SO WRONG. I had an old high school acquaintance hit me up on Facebook. Already not ideal, but I was just flattered someone actually wanted to talk to me. I checked out his…

Mother’s Goose Part 1

"MJ? It's Carol, your mom's neighbor..." I had to laugh, I knew Carol! She was in my phone already; she'd been my parents neighbor for years, but I guess it's the polite thing to introduce yourself on the phone. "Hey Mrs. Carol! What are..." I couldn't even finish my sentence. "When do your parents get…

He won’t eat the cheese, Doc!

A few years ago my yorkie, Cooper, got real sick. A few days had gone by with him continuing to barf and his appetite and playful spirit dwindling. I ultimately called the vet and left a message for him to call me back ASAP. Dehydration can be lethal in smaller dogs and I wanted advice…

Follow The Flock

Scene 4 Follow The Flock “TAXI! Fannie Beacon & the crew need a RIDE!” Chimes, formerly known as Shannon, who is meow the fabulous: FANNIE BEACON. She waves her fluffy gloved hand and points her finger in the air at an upcoming yellow cab; it's waiting at the light. I watch her as she places, her…

I am an Unintentional Asshole

Ohhhh, man. I made, what I thought was a SUPER FUNNY post on Facebook on Monday. Except, I didn't think things through here... I am a food motivated individual. Mostly a dessert-motivated person, but any form of sugar will do. So, to my surprise there was cake in the office on Monday. And not just…

It’s the Principle

Rain, I love the rain, but it has been going for days.  The thing about South-East Texas is that it is always humid too. People always seem to get more cranky during summer, humidity, and rain.  Maybe it's because it feels so miserable or maybe people are secretly worried that it may start flooding -…

Where the F*** is the Excedrin?

I turned off the light in my office, walked back to my desk, bent down to retrieve my sunglasses from my purse. I put them on and prepared myself for pain. I turned to look at my computer monitor. My head ached as the light from my monitor hit my face. I had already taken…

Martinis & Street Names

Scene 3 Martinis & Street Names “Who knows what their stripper name is?” shouts Shannon. Shannon stands before the tiny foyer with a large cardboard box in her hands. We can see pink shiny objects and feathers protruding from the top. There are about 10 of us in  her efficiency now. Most of us are…